one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have.
no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation.
no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying.
no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.
no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.
a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age.
Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse.
I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships.
The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery.
“Hard Feelings/Loveless” by Lorde
“spear” elizabeth acevedo // “atonement” dir. joe wright // “go home” julien baker
good things will happen 🧿
things that are meant to be will fall into place 🧿
THIS ONE FUCKING WORKS. REBLOG IT.
Okay I reblogged and got into the entrepreneurship program I wanted. This WORKS
Reblogging for some added help for the coming months
Drug addicts deserve common decency no matter what drug they are addicted to, how severe their addiction is, and whether or not they are receiving help for their addiction.
y-that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick:
Not diagnosing a child doesn’t mean they won’t notice they’re different. It just means that instead of thinking “I’m struggling because I have autism/adhd/anxiety/depression/schizophrenia”, they will just conclude that they are struggling because they are stupid, weak, annoying, unlovable, etc.
👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻
A person with an abusive nature will always register you standing up for yourself as an act of betrayal. Betray them.
This is so important. As a good person, you may choose to stick around to prove to someone that you’re not a bad person. You have nothing to prove to a bad person. You cannot help everyone. You cannot fix everyone. It’s not your fault.
almost every romcom directed by a man is like: the most annoying, obnoxious, childish, Adult man you have Ever seen gets with a smart, driven, woman who has her life in order unlike him. watch as SHE learns to let loose and compromise for Him :)
In theaters Valentine’s Day 💘
due to personal reasons I’ll be becoming a magical girl